Til the world Derps
by oxCHEERxo
Summary: CATS OF ALL CLANS, I'M HIGH. READ THIS STORY ABOUT A YOUNG SHE-CAT FROM WANNABE CLAN. A SHE-CAT WITH NO POWER, NO PROPHECY AND NO PLOT WHATSOEVER. THIS IS THE STORY OF DERPYPAW. RATED T JUST IN CASE.
1. A Quest for Catmint

I'd like to remind you I was extremely high when I wrote this...

You've been warned.

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><p>HAILEY GUILFORD WAS A NORMAL FEMALE SPECIMEN UNTIL ONE DAY SHE READ WARRIORS: INTO THE WILD. IT WAS THE BEST BOOK EVER. EVER. THAT'S HOW GREAT IT IS, IT MAKES YOU SAY THINGS TWICE…. TWICE.<p>

ANYWAYS, SHE READ THE REST OF THE BOOKS AND SOON BECAME A SUPER MEGA FAN. ONE DAY SHE BECAME A WARRIOR CAT, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU DO, YOU BECOME SOMETHING YOU LIKE. SADLY, SHE HAD TO EXPIRENCE BIRTH AND HOW IT FELT TO COME OUT OF SOME CAT'S VAGINA HOLE. HER NEW NAME WAS DERPYPAW. DERPYPAW WAS SO EPIC SHE GOT TO SKIP BEING A KIT AND BECAME AN APPRENTICE RIGHT AWAY.

ONE DAY DERPYPAW, ACCOMPAINIED BY CAMELTOE, HAD TO GO ON A SUPER SECRET MISSION FOR CATMINT, ACCORDING TO THE CLAN LEADER.

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><p><em>-"SO, WHICH OF YOU FINE SHE-CATS WANT TO MATE- I MEAN… SLEEP IN MY DEN TONIGHT?" PORNSTAR CALLED FROM HIGHROCK,<em>

"_BUT WE CAN'T MATE- I MEAN SLEEP WITH DERPY AND CAMELTOE AROUND. THOSE TWO ARE PUSSYS. AHAHA. THAT WAS A CAT PUN. GET IT.. BECAUSE WE'RE CATS." BLUEWAFFLE REPLIED,_

"_I HAVE THAT COVERED. I SENT THOSE TWO OFF ON A MISSION FOR CATMINT. SO WE CAN GET HIGH. MY DRUG PILE WAS RUNNING LOW ANYWAY." PORNSTAR ANSWERED._

"_YAY, SO NOW WE CAN MATE." SEXFACE YOWLED._

"_OH, SEXFACE YOU DIRTY GIRL. YOU REALLY THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO MATE? I CLEARLY SAID WE WERE GOING TO SLEEP IN MY DEN. GO AND SIT IN YOUR EMO CORNER." PORNSTAR HISSED. AS SEXFACE WALKED AWAY PORNSTAR TURNED TO THE REST OF THE SHE-CATS WHICH WAS MOST OF THE CLAN._

"_SHE'S SUCH A BITC- FEMALE DOG."-_

* * *

><p><em>DERPYPAW AND CAMELTOE CONTINUED WALKING THROUGH THE FOREST BUT THEY WERE SOON STOPPED BY A ORGYCLAN PATROL.<em>

"_WHAT ARE YOU TWO ORGYCLAN WANNABES DOING ON OUR TERRITORY?" VAGISIL YOWLED_

"_BITCH, WE AINT ON YO TERRITORY." DERPY REPLIED._

"_YOU LIE. SEE THAT ROCK RIGHT THERE?" VAGISIL ASKED AND POINTED IN ONE DIRECTION,_

"_THAT ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE TWO COWS MATING? I SEE WHY YOU'D WANT TO POINT THAT OUT. THAT'S VERY EROTIC." CAMELTOE REPLIED, "IT GIVES ME SOMETHING TO FAP TO."_

"_NO, NOT THAT ROCK, THAT ROCK. THE ONE SHAPED LIKE A ROCK." VAGASIL REPLIED,_

"_OH YEAH I SEE IT." DERPY MEOWED._

"_THAT IS OUR BORDER LINE. YOU CROSSED THE LINE." VAGASIL EXPLAINED. DERPY NODDED IN UNDERSTANDING._

"_I SEE. I GUESS THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO RAPE US TO TEACH US A LESSON." DERPY LAID DOWN, "TAKE ME INTO YOUR PLEASURE."_

"_EEWWW NO!" VAGASIL REPLIED, "BESIDES, WE'RE BOTH GIRLS. THAT WOULDN'T WORK. WE WERE JUST GOING TO BRING YOU BACK TO OUR CAMP TO MEET CONDOMSTAR."_

"_OOOHHH… IS HE GOING TO RAPE US THEN?" CAMELTOE ASKED, "BECAUSE IT'S NOT RAPE IF YOU TELL US NOW. I WON'T BE ABLE TO PRESS CHARGES."_

"_NO. NO SEX FOR YOU." VAGASIL REPLIED, "NO FOLLOW ME AND THE OTHER CAT OF THIS PATROL THAT THE DRUNKEN WRITER FAILED TO MENTION."_

_DERPY AND CAMELTOE WERE THEN FORCED TO GO DEEPER INTO ORGYCLAN'S TERRITORY. _

"_VAGASIL?" DERPY ASKED. THE CAT DID NOT REPLY,_

"_VAGASIL?" DERPY YOWLED,_

"_YO, VAGASIL!" SHE SCREECHED._

"_DAMMIT, I HEARD YOU THE FIRST 20 TIMES, WHAT DO YOU WANT?"_

"…_. We're in a forest, Vagasil."_

_VAGASIL SIGHED AND KEPT WALKING,_

"_HEY, VAGASIL. I DARE YOU NOT TO ASK ME WHAT I'M THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW." CAMELTOE WHISPERED_

_VAGASIL NODDED, "THAT'S EASY."_

"_HEY. VAGASIL. ASK ME WHAT I'M THINKING." CAMELTOE MEOWED_

"_BUT YOU TOLD ME NOT T-"_

"_ASK MEEEEEEEEEEEE! AAASSSKKK MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEE OR I'LL TROLL YOU FOREVER."_

"_FINE. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?" VAGASIL ASKED,_

"…_. YOU JUST LOST THE GAME, BITCH." CAMELTOE REPLIED,_

"_YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST GO. I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE ON OUR TERRITORY OR NOT. AS LONG AS I NEVER HAVE TO HEAR YOUR VOICE AGAIN." VAGASIL YOWLED._

"_OK. BYE THEN." DERPY SAID AND WALKED AWAY WITH CAMELTOE FOLLOWING CLOSELY BEHIND._

_AFTER AWHILE CAMELTOE SPOKE, "THE WRITER OF THIS STORY HAS NOTHING ELSE TO SAY SO SHE'S JUST GONNA WRITE DOWN CRAP. SOME SHIZ IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN."_

"_I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN. I'M FEELING THE URGE TO…. TOOOOOO…."_

"_TO?"_

_DERPY SUDDENLY EXPLODED, I MEAN… SHE DIDN'T EXPLODE BUT SHE STARTED BOUNCING AROUND LIKE CRAZY,_

"_I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH I WHIP MY HAIR BACK N FORTH!" DERPY SANG. CAMELTOE WATCHED IN AMAZEMENT._

"_HOLY STARCLAN. YOUR VOICE IS SO AMZING IT COMES WITH IT'S OWN BACK UP SINGERS….. LOL… I SAID "COME""_

"_OH HAHA I GET IT." DERPY LAUGHED, "NOW IT'S TIME TO GET SERIOUS. MY LITTLE PONY SERIOUS."_

"_BUT THOSE PONYS…. SO SERIOUS…"_

"_CONFOUND THESE PONIES. THEY DRIVE ME TO LESBIANISM."_

"_THEY DRIVE ME TO CUT MYSELF.. SOOO DEEP.. I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHAT IT TASTED LIKE…. WHAT IT FELT LIKE TO HAVE THE VERY LIFE BEING DRAINED OUT OF ME."_

"_YOU'RE SO POETIC, CAMELTOE." DERPY REPLIED, SNAPPING HER FINGERS._

"_YEP. NOW LETS GO GET THAT CATMINT. WE DON'T WANT TO LEAVE OUR READERS HANGING. OR MAYBE WE DO. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW GOOD WRITERS DRAW IN A BIGGER AUDIENCE. BUT OUR CLIFFHANGER WILL HAVE SOME CLASS. WE WON'T LEAV IN THE MIDDLE OF A SENTE-"_

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><p><em>TO BE CONTINUED…. OR NOT. BUT DOES IT REALLY MATTER? IT'S A TEA PARTY, LET'S GET WATSED.<em>


	2. Random Shit

"AND THEN THE MEDICENE CAT TOLD ME I WASN'T ALLOWED TO SHOVE ANYTHING ELSE INSIDE ME FOR A FEW MONTHS." DERPY MEOWED, FINISHING HER STUNNINGLY DETAILED STORY.

"DERPYPAW… THE READERS ARE HERE." CAMELTOE REPLIED, "AND IF YOU LISTEN CLOSELY YOU CAN HEAR THE SOUND OF THE 4TH WALL BEING BROKEN."

"THE READERS ARE HERE? SHOULD I TELL MY STORY AGAIN?" DERPY ASKED,

"OHELLNO." CAMELTOE ANSWERED.

"OK. NOW LET'S GO FIND THAT CATMINT FOR PORNSTAR." DERPYPAW SUGGESTED,

"THAT'S A GOOD IDEA." CAMELTOE AGREED.

SO THEY WALKED AROUND UNTIL THEY FINALLY GOT TO THE CATMINT, WHICH WAS ODD BECAUSE PORNSTAR GAVE THEM NO DIRECTIONS WHATSOEVER. BUT THEY WEREN'T ABOUT TO COMPLAIN.

"I JUST REALIZED THE WRITER MISTAKED CATMINT FOR CATNIP. IS CATMINT CATNIP? I HAVE NO IDEA. BUT OH WELL, IT MAKES US HIGH ANYWAY." DERPY RANDOMLY MEOWED, "THE WRITER MADE ME SAY THAT. BTW."

"LET'S BRING THIS CATMINT BACK TO CAMP, YOU KNOW HOW HORNY THE ELDERS GET WITHOUT THEIR CATMINT." CAMELTOE REPLIED, "COME TO THINK OF IT, THEY'RE ALWAYS HORNY."

"YEAH. WE HAVE SOME TIME.. WHY DON'T WE HAVE SOME… FUN?" DERPY INCHED CLOSER TO CAMELTOE. BTW HE'S A TOM IF I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT. CAMELTOE IS A FEMALE NAME.

"YOU HAVE A PERVERTED MIND, DERPY!" CAMELTOE REPLED,

"I'M TALKING ABOUT SEX, YOU RETARD." DERPY MEOWED.

"OOOOHH, SEX! WELL, I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T. MY SEXUALITY IS LIKE CURLYKIT'S HAIR; NOT STRAIGHT ANYMORE." CAMELTOE REPLIED.

"OH GREAT. I CHOSE THE TOM WHO WONT USE HIS PENIS. YOU'RE USELESS." DERPY GROWLED.

"BUT… I CAN HUNT AND FIGHT. I'M NOT LIKE THOSE FATASSES IN THUNDERCLAN, THE ONLY SANE CLAN AROUND HERE." CAMELTOE PROTESTED

"WE DON'T NEED FOOD AND SAFETY, WE NEED PLEASURE!" DERPY REPLIED, "LET'S JUST GET THE CATMINT BACK TO CAMP." SHE BEGAN WALKING AWAY, "MAN, THIS SUCKS. THE ONLY TOM IN OUR CLAN BESIDES PORNSTAR IS GAY. THAT MEANS I'M EITHER GONNA HAVE TO MATE WITH AN ORGYCLAN TOM OR BECOME A LESBIAN."

"SEXFACE IS A TOM." CAMELTOE MEOWED,

"WHAT? I THOUGHT SHE WAS FEMALE!" DERPY REPLIED,

"WELL, MOSSKIT WAS A TOM BUT NOW HE'S A SHE-CAT. APARENTLY GENDER IS A LIFE CHOICE." CAMELTOE EXPLAINED

"OH MY GOD. I DON'T HAVE TO BE A LESBIAN!" DERPY SAID, "YEAH!" SHE SHOUTED AND DID ONE OF THOSE FAMOUS "FREEZE FRAME" JUMPS.

"HOW ARE YOU JUST STAYING IN THE AIR?" CAMELTOE ASKED,

"I HAVE NO IDEA, BUT IT TURNS ME ON!" DERPY REPLIED.

AFTER ABOUT AN HOUR OF STRUGGLING, DERPY FINALLY GOT BACK ONTO THE GROUND.

"THAT WAS DIFFICULT, BUT NOW WE CAN CONTINUE OUR JOURNEY. AND I CAN MARRY SEXFACE AND BE THE ABUSIVE WIFE I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE."

"YES, WELL, MY LITTLE PONY IS ON SO THE WRITER IS JUST GOING TO END THE CHAPTER." CAMELTOE SAID.

END OF CHAPTER.


	3. The Sound of Music

"CAMELTOE…. CAAAAMEEELLTOOEEE."

"YUP?"

"IT'S THE THIRD CHAPTER, CAMELTOE."

"YUP."

"YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, DON'T YOU? WE HAVE TO DO A MUSICAL FOR ALL OUR LOVELY READERS."

"YUP."

"AND WE NEED TO SING AS MUCH AS WE CAN."

YU-"

"GOD DAMMIT, SAY SOMETHING OTHER THAN "YUP""

"YU- I MEAN…. OK… HEH HEH…."

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><p>Quit Author's Note:<p>

The parts where they're singing are surrounded by these... Line... Thingys -

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><p>"I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE LISTENED TO YOU. NOW WE'RE LOST." DERPYPAW MEOWED, "I'M GONNA MISS AMERICAN IDOL."<p>

"I LIKE BEING LOST. IT MAKES ME WET!" CAMELTOE REPLIED, "AND I'M A TOM…"

"HOLY SHIT! A BEE!" DERPY YOWLED,

"I LOVE BEES. THEY'RE MY FAVORITE COLORS. -BLACK N YELLOW BLACK N YELLOW BLACK N YELLOW-"

"GET THIS FUCKING THING AWAY FROM ME." DERPY SCREECHED, FLAILING HER ARMS

"FINE. BUT YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME IN RETURN." CAMELTOE SAID,

"LIKE WHAT? I CAN'T TEACH YOU ANYTHING. I'M STUPID."

"-TEACH ME HOW TO JERK TEACH ME TEACH ME HOW TO JERK-" CAMELTOE SANG,

"OH THAT'S EASY. NOW GET THIS THING AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEEEEE." DERPY YOWLED. CAMELTOE STEPPED ON THE BEE AND KILLED IT. AFTER HIS DANCE LESSON THEY CONTINUED WALKING,

"-OH OH OH OH OH OH OH. MY. GOD-" CAMELTOE RANDOMLY MEOWED,

"WHAT? WHAT IS IT?" DERPY ASKED,

"LOOK AT THAT SHE-CAT OVER THERE." CAMELTOE REPLIED,

"-WHO DAT GIRL? WHO DAT GIRL?-"

"SHE MAKES ME WANT TO BE STRAIGHT…." CAMELTOE MEOWED,

"OMIGOD SHE DOES? GO TALK TO HER. AND WHEN SHE TURNS YOU DOWN YOU'LL COME AFTER ME INSTEAD AND I CAN BE THE ABUSIVE WIFE MY FATHER WAS. AND YES, I DID SAY MY FATHER, BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY FOR ANOTHER DAY…. BITCH."

"OK…" CAMELTOE REPLIED NERVOUSLY. HE WALKED UP TO THE SHE-CAT AND SAID, "HI."

"SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN SUCH A -HOT AND DANGEROUS- FOREST?" CAMELTOE ASKED,

"-I CAME TO DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE-" THE SHE-CAT REPLIED.

"JANE DOE I DON'T EVEN KNOW YA BUT I KNOW FO SHO YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL SO BABY LET ME KNOW YOUR NAME."

"-HI MY NAME IS SLIM SHADEY.-"

"WELCOME TO THE FOREST, SLIM. IM CAMELTOE. SO….. -IF I SAID I WANTED YOUR BODY NOW WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME?-" CAMELTOE ASKED,

"I JUST MET YOU, AND YOU'RE THE TYPE OF TOM I'D NEVER GO AFTER." SLIM REPLIED,

"NEVER SAY NEVER."

"-WOAH OH-OH WHAT THE HELL?- ANYWAY, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YOU PERVERT."

"-BUT I'D CATCH A GRENADE YOU YA….-" CAMELTOE SAID DESPERATELY,

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO THAT. -WANT YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M THE ONLY GIRL IN THE WOOORLD.- AND YOU CAN'T DO THAT. GOODBYE.."

"BUT I COULD MAKE YOU -FEEL LIKE ONE LESS LONELY GIRL-" CAMELTOE PLEADED BUT THE SHE-CAT WALKED AWAY. CAMELTOE WALKED SADLY BACK TO DERPY,

"-I GOTTA FEELING- THAT SHE SAID NO." DERPY MEOWED HAPPILY.

"SHE REJECTED ME."

"OH GOOD. SO WILL YOU FINALLY LET ME RAPE YOU? BECAUSE -IF IT WASN'T FOR DATE RAPE I'D NEVER GET LAID-"

"-DREAM ON, DREAM ON-" CAMELTOE SANG.

"BUT…. BUT…. -YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M LIVING A TEENAGE DREAM THE WAY YOU TURN ME ON-"

"I DON'T LIKE YOU. JUST LET ME BE GAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. LET ME CUT MY SELF. LET ME STEAL SOME OF PORNSTAR'S FUR OUT OF THE BRUSH WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKING."

"DUDE… YOU NEED SERIOUS HELP…" DERPY MEOWED

"I KNOW…. -I NEED A DOCTOR, CALL ME A DOCTOR-"

"-KISS ME. KI-KI KISS ME.-" DERPY YOWLED AND POUNCED ON CAMELTOE,

"EW. NO GET OFF OF ME, YOU WHORE." CAMELTOE HISSED,

"-I AM NOT A WHORE. I JUST LIKE TO DO IT.-"

"OH.. THAT MAKES SENSE.." CAMELTOE REPLIED,

"OH FUCK. PORNSTAR IS PROBABLY WAITING. -LET'S GO-OH OH. LET'S GO!-"

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><p>Songs Used:<p>

1. Black and yellow  
>2. Teach me how to jerk<br>3. Oh my gosh  
>4. Who dat gurl<br>5. We are who we are  
>6. Dynamite<br>7. Jane Doe  
>8. Hi my name is<br>9. Hold it against me  
>10. Never say never<br>11. What the hell  
>12. Grenade<br>13. Only girl  
>14. One less lonely girl<br>15. I gotta feeling  
>16. Date rape<br>17. Dream on  
>18. Teenage dream<br>19. I need a doctor  
>20. E.T.<br>21. I am not a whore  
>22. We are who we are [again]<p> 


	4. The Gathering and some Hardcore pornz

SO, AFTER 3 CHAPTERS OF DERPY AND CAMELTOE HORSING AROUND THEY FINALLY GOT THE CATMINT BACK TO CAMP.

"JEEZUS. THAT TOOK 3 GODDAMN CHAPTERS. WHAT WERE YOU TWO DOING?" PORNSTAR MEOWED,

"SHE TRIED TO RAPE ME…. SEVERAL TIMES." CAMELTOE REPLIED, POINTING AT DERPYPAW.

"WHO KNOWS WHERE SEXFACE IS? I WANNA HAVE A THREESOME WITH HIM AND CAMELTOE." DERPY YOWLED.

"BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT WE GOT THE CATMINT…. AND I BROUGHT HOME AN EROTIC ROCK I CAN FAP TO." CAMELTOE FINISHED,

"WE'LL… I GUESS YOU TWO DID BRING BACK THE CATMINT. SO, YOU GET TO GO TO THE GATHERING." PORNSTAR SAID. CAMELTOE JUMPED UP IN THE AIR BUT DERPY STAYED STILL,

"OH NO, I'M NOT GONNA JUMP. I GOT STUCK LAST TIME." DERPY MEOWED, "AND PLUS, I DON'T WANT TO GO. THE FULL MOON IS MY HARDCORE PORN NIGHT. THAT NIGHT I'M GONNA WATCH 3 SHE-CATS, 1 BUCKET. IT'S GONNA BE HOT. CAMELTOE, YOU SHOULD STAY AND WATCH IT WITH ME!"

BUT CAMELTOE SAID "NO"

THEN DERPY'S FACE BOILED UP WITH RAGE AND SHE YELLED, "BITCH, IF YOU DON'T WATCH IT WITH ME I'M GONNA STALK YOU ALL NIGHT. THEN WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKING, I'LL STAB YOU 17 TIMES IN THE CHEST. THEN I'LL CHEW YOU AND SPIT YOU OUT AND THROW YOUR REMAINS INTO THE LAKE WHERE THE FISH WILL EAT YOU AND THEN POOP YOU OUT SO YOU CAN BE THE PIECE OF SHIT YOU ARE ON THE INSIDE."

SO HE SAID, "OK."

AND WHEN PORNSTAR HAD GATHERED THE CATS COMING TO THE GATHERING HE STAYED WITH DERPY.

AND DERPY WAS ALL LIKE, "HELL YES."

AND HE WAS LIKE, "GOD DAMMIT."

AND DERPY WAS ALL LIKE, "HELL FUCKING YES."

AND THEN DERPY TURNED ON THE COMPUTER THAT SHE…. "BORROWED"…

AND THE VIDEO STARTED PLAYING.

"OH SWEET JESUS! GET THAT SHIT AWAY FROM ME!" CAMELTOE YELLED AFTER A FEW SECONDS

"THIS ISN'T SHIT. IT'S REALLY HAWT…" DERPY REPLIED,

"IT IS? REALLY?"

"YA RLY….. WANNA WATCH ME JACK OFF?" DERPY ASKED,

"OHELLNO." CAMELTOE REPLIED.

"OH MY GOD THIS IS MAKING ME SO HORNY." DERPY YOWLED,

"EVERYTHING MAKES YOU HORNY!" CAMELTOE MEOWED,

"Oh yeah…. You're right…"

"DAMMIT TURN THIS OFF." CAMELTOE SAID,

"NOOOO. THIS IS THE BEST AT WHAT THAT GIRL'S DOING TO THAT GIRL'S FACE. OOOHHH YEEAAAAHHHH."

"THAT ISN'T NORMAL." CAMELTOE HISSED,

"INCEST ISN'T NORMAL." DERPY REPLIED,

"INCEST IS AMAZING. INFACT, THEY SHOULD CALL IT WINCEST."

"FUCK YOU AND YOU'RE HOMOSEXUAL WAYS."

"FUCK YOU AND YOUR STRAIGHT WAYS. FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCKINGTON. FUCK OOOOOOOFFFFF!" CAMELTOE YOWLED,

"Fuck off?…. HOW HARD? :D "


	5. Pornstar's Song

"WHAT THE FUCK, CAMELTOE."

"IT'S NOT MY FAUL-"

"DAMMIT, CAMELTOE. I'VE BEEN HAVING A HORRIBLE DAY. ALONG WITH NOT GETTING LAID, I FOUND OUT THAT FATLARD IS A LESBIAN AND SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME. ON TOP OF THAT, YOU FUCKING TOLD PORNSTAR THAT I STOLE HIS COMPUTER AND HE BITCH-SLAPPED ME. YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS. YOU RUINED CHRISTMAS FOR ALL THOSE SEXY LITTLE KIDS, YOU BITCH."

"I'M FUCKING SORRY."

"YOURE A PIECE OF MONKEY SHIT THAT FELL IN THE DIRT AND GOT EATEN BY A SHARK AND THE SHARK SPIT IT OUT AND THE SHARK BURIED IT IN A PILE ELEPHANT SHIT, THEN IT RAINED JIZZ AND THE MONKEY SHIT GREW INTO A SHIT TREE. AND YOURE THE SHITTY APPLE THAT GREW ON THAT TREE. SPEAKING OF SHIT YOU LIKE TAKING ONE BECAUSE IT'S THE CLOSEST TO ANAL SEX YOU'LL EVER GET."

"THIS IS THE FIRST CHAPTER IN LIKE 2 AND A HALF FUCKING MONTHS, AND YOUR SPENDING IT BY BEING ALL BITCHY."

"YOU'RE RIGHT MAN… I'M SORRY."

PORNSTAR CALLED A MEETING EARLY IN THE MORNING,

"IT BETTER NOT BE ANYMORE SHIT ABOUT AIDS. I TOLD HIM IT WASN'T ME." DERPY MEOWED.

"HELLO BITCHES, TODAY WE'RE GOING TO CELEBRATE. WHY ARE WE CELEBRATING? WELL, I HAVE BOTH PARTS, WHICHS MEANS I COULD HAVE BEEN PREGNANT, BUT I TOOK A TEST AND IT SAID I WAS "POSITIVE." WHICH MEANS I'M NOT FUCKING PREGNANT. HELL FUCKING YE-"

"BITCH, THE PLUS MEANS YOUR PREGNANT." FATLARD YOWLED,

"OH MY GOD… WELL, I STILL WANT TO CELEBRATE ANYWAY, I RAPED SOME CAT THE OTHER DAY. I'M GOING TO SING NOW. SO LISTEN UP BITCHES AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK."

"I USED TO BE A MAN WHORE- AND I STILL AM.

I WATCH CHRIS CROCKER PORN MOVIES FOR FUN.

MY FUCKING HEAD IS UP HERE, SO STOP STARING AT MY MAN TITTIES,

OR ELSE I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR EYES OUT AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT SO YOU CAN WATCH ME EAT YOU OUT… OH YYYYEEAAAHHHH"

"BITCH THAT WAS FUCKING TERRIBLE." DERPY YOWLED,

"BITCH CHU WANT ME TO RIP YOUR TITTIES OFF? THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP."

"I DON'T HAVE ANY TITTIES. AND THAT WAS SO FUCKING TERRIBLE. YOU SOUND LIKE SOMEONE TOOK REBECCA BLACK'S MOUTH AND SHOVED LADY GAGA'S PENIS IN THERE SO SHE'S SINGING AND CHOKING ON GLITTER JIZZ."

"OK, WELL MY THROAT'S SORE… MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE I JUST SUCKED A BUNCH OF COCK- I MEAN…. I ATE SOME HOTWINGS…"


End file.
